Num: Learning your emotion

 

From when I was in primary school until I reached the last year in high school, I loved to study maths. Although I cried when I could not solve the problems, my father would teach me with different entertaining methods that took away my frustration. Later I never stopped finding the possible solutions to get an answer even though I was so angry that my teacher gave us a lot of difficult homework. Mathematics was an entertaining game for me to play. It was the same as when I saw the ‘Game Over’ sign, but I pressed  the restart button as soon as it appeared and continued repeating the game for hour after hour and hoped to pass to the next level soon. In contrast, I studied English with a teacher who accidentally raised me with fear, judgment, and humiliation toward the learning process. When she asked questions in class, and we could not give the right answers, she would spank us. Stressing caused me sweaty hands and cold feet. I learned nothing because my attention was put into anxiety and worrying. Without notice, I judged that I was not a good at English, that I was  dumb and stupid, and I could not be changed. Recently, I watched a video clip about how emotion helps develop learning ability. Both of my experiences surprisingly explain that emotions affect my performance in positive and negative ways. My own emotion can block me from gaining knowledge, or it provides me confidence and drives me to move beyond limitation. Emotional Agility is a book that I recently read. It is written by Susan David, who is a psychologist and also a faculty member at Harvard Medical School. Everyone should read this book, and you will learn how you can manage your emotions and improve your attitude toward life by facing it without judging and understanding the meaning of growth mindset. 

Facing your emotion without judging, and studying your emotion with a neutral mind: this is a major way to widen your perspective to understand yourself.  For example, writing a diary and explaining how you feel in detail will draw you out from overwhelming emotions.  This exercise trains you to see the overall situation or the big picture. Although you have negative emotions, don’t try to judge whether they are right or wrong. Being conscious or being aware of the emotions that are happening is a good way to give yourself room to explore more. When you examine current emotions, try not to relate them with any experiences or predict what will happen in the future. Bringing out the past or forecasting the future is an unhealthy move that can distort your current situation. Your present situations can turn out in many ways, and they haven’t happened  yet. nner critics may lead you to be like me when I was young; my own mind blocked my actions. I repeated this to myself and I stressed myself out when the teacher asked me questions. I stirred up my fear of the furious class. I didn’t want to be humiliated in front of my classmates if I could answer the question. I had a fixed idea that I was not good at English and I could not change that because my brain was not good at linguistics skills. Then I didn’t pay attention in class; I didn’t do my homework. I didn’t have the urge to explore  or learn it like when I learned mathematics. I accepted that I could not improve. I liked Japanese manga a lot. I loved my feeling to smell the ink in the paper when I was opening new manga. I wanted to read the Japanese version, so I took a Japanese class. Later, I decided to drop out after one semester because I believed my brain was not good at linguistic skills and maths was more interesting. Again I focused only on studying maths and sciences and ignored English or Japanese classes. How could I change? I just realized that I changed because my mindset changed. After reading the book, many habits in the past two years have confirmed to me that I have the same mindset as what the book refers to. Why is a mindset so important?      

A growth mindset unlocks your skills. This book mentions the idea about fixed mindset and growth mindset. A fixed mindset is how I had trained myself when I was young that I was not good at English. I could not speak English. My brain didn’t develop in linguistic skill. I stuck with it. Failure was unacceptable. I didn’t find any challenge through failure. I have limited ability to understand English. I closed my door to English. In contrast, a growth mindset is a belief that we can improve, and we can develop, eager to be challenged. Trial and error are normal. Failure is part of the process to discover things. An effort determines abilities. All of which was what I had toward the way I learned maths. The growth mindset is empowering and leads you to an achievement.  My story is just a simple example for you to understand vividly about how emotions are influencing behaviors. Suppressing your emotions is a toxic strategy for your mental health. You may hide it perfectly, but it is always ready to burst out.    

My study experience was a decade ago, but I have just finished the book last week. I read this book to understand my actions. Sometimes, I am suffering from my own sentences. Being aware of how I feel towards situations, and embracing it with an open mind helps me to reach an inner peace. This book is worth reading for self-improvement. The concepts are simple and easy. If your body has the proper nutrients, you will have good health. And to maintain your good mental health, reading what psychologists say is nurturing your mind.