Many people are trying to take good care of themselves to have long life. Whereas, there are some people that requesting a hastened death. Why is it happen? What should we do to help a person who wants to “end thing”? The article “Beginning the Most Difficult Conversation of All” by Zoe Fitzgerald Carter writing in the "Health" section of The New York Times, will give us some answers for these questions.
Carter writes her grievous experience about her mother who was suffered from advanced Parkinson’s disease and wanted to “end things”. The mother had intended overdose of morphine. After her mother death, she questioned herself that “What, I wonder, could my sisters and I have done differently? Should we have tried harder to talk her out of it? Insisted that she talk to a psychiatrist? Made sure she didn’t have access to lethal drugs or medications?” She tried to dissuade her mother, but expert say it is not a good encouraging. Barbara Coombs Lee, president of Compassion and Choices, a national right-to-die organization said, “People say, ‘Oh Mom, don’t talk like that. You’re going to be fine,’ instead of pulling their chair up to the bed and saying, ‘I’m here for you. I won’t abandon you. Together we can work through this’,” How can we respond when our love one first expresses a wish to die? Dr. Susan Block, head of the department of psychosocial oncology and palliative care at the Dana Farber Cancer Institute in Boston said “The first thing is to be curious” and Dr. Susan Block suggest that we should start with physical. We need to figure out what are your love one suffering about physical and how. After that we need to figure out the emotion in their mind. Is there any anxious or depressed? Dr. Block said, “Just talking about it and sharing the burden can be really helpful” for these patients.
The article gives some advices from the experts which are helpful. I have not been in Carter’s situation yet, so that I may not deeply understand her feeling. However, I agree that listening is one of a good way to understand another and saying the encouraging words with your heart will help the person see how much you love and care for them. I cannot judge the person who requesting a hastened death that they have negative thinking, but I would say that they may not understand the purpose of life and the love of people around them.
In my opinion, knowing purpose of life is very important because it will lead my life and give me energy. I do not wish to have long life, but I consider the quality of my life. I cannot give any encouraging words to encourage other if my life is meaningless. These are some of my thought and I would like to know:
What do you respond for it?
What is the purpose of your life?
Have you ever been in Carter’s situation?
If yes, what did you do?
If no, what will you do if you are in Carter’s situation?
__________
References
from http://newoldage.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/11/11/beginning-the-most-difficult-conversation-of-all/?ref=health
It would be hard to make any decision or show any action if I were in that situation. I would not like to see my beloved persons to take any drug then it badly affects their physical body. Taking morphine can make patient feel better, but there are a lot side effects, such as patient who take morphine will need it more and more until they are died. Although, I've had any experience similar to Carter, the thing which I will do is cheering up and encouragement. I've read many medical article which talks about cancer. The doctor said cancer can be cured if patient have good feeling to fight against it. That is, the best what the patient should do first is to be happy and ready to face to any disease.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, I've had a purpose in my life. At 40, I wish I would like to have a field to build up my house which will be surrounded by trees then spend happy time till I will be dead. I never want to be a rich man, and never want to have any dignity because personally I don't like to put myself to be in any challenge. Every serious thing or problem happens from us, only we put ourselves in trouble and problem because we would like to have the things same another, and try to compare to another, so only we will be sufferer from those pursuit. I believe that if I feel happy and not try to compare to another, everything will be well and success, so happyness in present life is my main purpose.
Few years ago, I went to the funeral of my friend's father. He shot himself when he found out that he'd got a serious condition of heart disease. His decision shocked everyone, he was a friendly man with a respectable career. Rumour has it, he was terrified of the pain and the cost of the operation, he also thought there was no hope for recovering. My friend was devastated, there was no clue whatsoever. And in our country, euthanasia is not an option, not even a well known thing.
ReplyDeleteI also have a direct experience, but in my case my grandfather just doesn't give up. He is wonderfully strong, he has the greatest patient, and he is so calm about it all. It hurts so bad to see him suffers hard. But he will never give up, ever, that leaves us no other option but to hold on to him as best as we can. Even though, deep down inside we all wish he would sleep peacefully one night and not waking up ever again.
Euthanasia is about human dignity but the issue here is that my grandfather consider his dignity as not to be defeated and never give up on anything. And who are we to judge that!
I don't know what is the ultimate solution for this. We have few great doctors and few lawyers in the family and we can come up with nothing but keep praying. I'm thinking about taking a medical law course now. Maybe in the future, I might be able to come back and help solving this painful decisions which is quite a new thing to our society.
To answer Ai's question, My purpose in life is to live to make a difference in this world, regardless of how little it is, and not waking up in the morning regreting what I'm doing daily. Then, when the time comes, I'd die happily.
I agree with Ai. To say encouraging words is a good way to show my love, and I did it to my grandfather when he was in a hospital. I believe it worked well, so he could live longer than a doctor said.
ReplyDeleteThe type of answers Dr. Block suggests seems to be appropriated. Do not deny the feeling of the sick person because her life is difficult and if the family circle does not respond to his or her emotional communication it is going to be more difficult. Moreover, to say the sick person is not alone when she feel to be the only one who suffering can help to broken his or her isolation and to feel love. The most important thing, Dr Block said, to be curious to really know how the person is leaving his or her situation can help so much to know what to do.
ReplyDeleteIt was exactly the same situation but in some way similar. My mother fault down, she almost died. After almost a year she was close to the end. We had been supporting her during this year. Her brain was not working in the same way but we enjoy to be with her and to tell her funny stories and show her how much we loved her and how important was her for us; The last days she lived we could decided she lives in an artifial way but we decided to thank her about all the good things she gave us and she has the decision to live or to died and we accepted that. Next day she died. I felt in peace.
The purpose of my life, that is a important question that I still do not have a clear answer and I would like to find soon.
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ReplyDeleteI agree with Roong. I also like her grandfather's story very much. He has a strong mind and respects his own life. Moreover, he has the good family who take care of them as much as they can.
ReplyDeleteForm this good story, let me think that the moreal to fight with this bad situation come from two sources:
1. Their own mind and
2. Supporting form others around them, especially their family.
Then, if we want to help this low moreal person, I think we have to build up these two sources by:
1. Noticing and listening them to understand their situation and their perception about their life; after that, helping them change their misunderstanding and wrong perception about their situation to the realistic thing and make them have more positive thinking as well as we can. If we cannot do that by ourselves,we can call for help from experts such as psychiatists, doctors, or religion leaders.
2. Calling for supporting from their family and friends and trying to encourage their moreal every way.
I believe that if we do these things, we can pull them out of the bad life.
To answer Ai's question, the purpose of my life is to be an old man who have more knowleadge and experiences about this world to give many good advices for the next generation
Although I've never been in Carter's situation, I understand how it's difficult to deal with. If someone I love is in coma condition, I might want him to stay with me as long as posiible. So,I think encouaging patients to prolong their life is a good way. However, euthanasia should also be acceptable in some case.
ReplyDeleteFor the purpose of my life, I don't think about the too far future because our life are under the risk. We don't know how long we can live or what will be happen, so I short aims are working on my dreamed career and taking care of my family. I think doing something I satisfy and staying with someone I love are ultimate happiness in life.
It is imporatant for family members and friends to spend time with their pateints.
ReplyDeleteI think it helps patient to keep their mind comfortable.
My purpose of life is to help others who need my helps.
If I'm in Carter’s situation, I'll spend time with patient and express my love...
But I don't want to get the same situation...it is too hard....
Even though I don't know her, I'm sorry to hear Carter’s story. Carter and her sister might felt like she had not done their best in the past to prevent the tragedy. She did, however, respect her mother own decision and stay beside her until the ending came. I 'm grateful to her for sharing her experience and giving advices to us all. Whatever the result was. They kept understanding each other before one of them passed away. This is the most important thing to me and it is the true meaning of the word "family". I myself had changed purpose of life gradually as years go by. At any point of my life, family members always support me - one thing that will remain the same until we leave each other forever.
ReplyDeleteAs Dr. Block suggestion, encouraging patients and sharing their feeling are good way to help them. However, it is hard to pretend to be happy or regardless to the problem when the love one is in danger or going to die soon. If I'm in Carter's situation, I would take the best care of my mother, and make her free from her worried.
ReplyDeleteAbout my purpose of life, it's changeable, but I do my best in everyday because I don't know when will my last day come.
Thank you for sharing. Carter’s morther decisión is interesting because I will choose the same decision as her. It does not mean the patient giving up but the important thing is about the posible ways and situation in which the patient deeply understand. 2 years ago, I had conversation with my friend, who’s a doctor, and I asked him for conditions to die. If I will be in severe situation and make physical problems with every one around me, I will be accepted through my condition and decisión.
ReplyDeleteIn the future, I will be proper in every situation and everyday. Actually, people can think my opinión showing my meaningless life. I have to say “NO” and the purpose of my life is how I make useful for society and everyone who has less oppotunity than me. I design myself how to do my best in everyday.
By the way, I have a direct experience as Roong. My beloved grandfather was seriously injured and he was not allowed to walk. He did not give up and had a strong mentality. When I was 7 year-old, my mom ordered me to take care him from early morning till night. I had my extra duty and did it everyday. Finally, he gave the last farewell speech in his perfect time same age as a helthy man. He gave a big smile to everyone. My family members and grandfather did our best.