Good afternoon everyone, I would like to sent the old work that's the thesis statement of the writing eassy question3. Becasue of I did it very quickly and didn't not review it, and so I have improved the thesis statement in the question3 and posted on the Web Blog in oder that I want my class mates to consider it and I prefer you "Peter" to comment me. Thank you
Human can invent anything like Robots, and make them to do everything like human; however, Robots can not be used the word "Person" same as humans becasue only humans are able to learn everything from their mistake in order to imporve it better, human can also know about conciousness that make human's different from animals and Robots.
Rewrite
Humans can use the word “person” because only they are able to do anything, which mean we are aware of whom and what wear. In other words we are conscious, reasonable, and identifiable of who or what we are.
and thank you for any ideas; anyway cannibal can be person, right.
Friday 26 September 2008
3 comments:
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Comparing to your old version posted below;
ReplyDeleteAn illuminating explanation of what a person is must cover more than the simple idea that it is a human being: a person is not defined by purely physical characteristics such as a body and genes; on the contrary, non-physical abilities such as self-awareness and desire are the more important criteria in deciding whether or not something is a person.
I prefer the old version. After reading your new statement,It confuse me what your topic is because it looks like the word human, mentioned 4 times, may be your topic.
Moreover, I think there may be some errors in grammar,sentence fragment, but i'm not sure. So i'd wait Peter's comment.
PS. I think the italics should be used instead of quotation mark at person word.
Ball,
ReplyDeleteI agree with James. When I read your first thesis statement on Wednesday evening, the one in your blog post above, I thought it was a very good answer to a different question: "Are robots persons?"
The questions are similar, but the difference is important. If you were answering the question about robots, I would also leave the first clause as a separate, introductory sentence. It leads smoothly to what would then be your thesis statement about robots, but is not really needed in the thesis statement itself.
Out of context, starting your thesis statement with the word however would sound odd, but in your introductory paragraph, it would make perfect sense. I had a similar problem with my first draft of a thesis statement: in the introductory sentences leading to my thesis statement, I wanted to briefly mention our changing views of morality, and use that to lead the reader to my main idea about the meaning of the word person, which is the topic of the essay. The best way to do that was to use the adverbial conjunction similarly, but that didn't make much sense out of context, which is the reason I ended up putting the long and apparently irrelevant clause about our "deeper and evolving understanding" of morality. As you and your classmates correctly noted, that made my whole thesis statement needlessly confusing, and also unnecessarily long.
Perhaps a better solution would have been to include two sentences from my planned introduction: the thesis statement plus the sentence that came before it, and to which similarly would then clearly refer back to.
There were a couple of grammar mistakes in your sentence, but not so serious as to make your idea unclear.
Finally, if you stuck with your original thesis statement, about robots, your essay would be longer and more complex because that thesis statement tells the reader that you are going to argue for a particular definition of what a person is, and then analyse what robots are, and finally conclude that robots do not fit your proposed definition of what a person is. That sounds like an essay I would like to read, but I will be happy with an essay that just does the first part: presents and argues for a particular idea about what a person is.
Don't worry, in level 5, I ask my students to write the more complex essay that includes both arguing for a particular definition and then applying that definition to the analysis of a question such as the one about whether or not robots are humans. So please come back for level 5!
For the weekend, the slightly simpler essay about the meaning of the word person is enough.
Thanks for sharing your question. It's highly relevant to our purposes in the class, and is a good opportunity for your classmates to respond by sharing their ideas about it, as James has already done.
This is not exactly relevant to Ball's question, but it's an idea that occurred to me again as I was reading and replying here, so I'll post it anyway.
ReplyDeleteAs I was writing the questions, I wanted to make them both challenging and relevant to something of topical interest.
The question about the meaning of culture is relevant to most of the topics in Quest, and is included in the title of the first reading in "Abnormal Psychology", so that one was an easy choice.
Question 2, about the meaning of democracy, is relevant to issues that have been in the news a lot lately, not just in Thailand, but in the US and elsewhere, and which are frequently argued about, which is how I came to choose that one.
I was glad when James and Nat's discussion suggested the topic for the third question, which is one that I thought relevant to various debates: not just whether we might need to treat apes or robots (or extra terrestrial aliens? Is ET a person? The numerous aliens in Star Wars?) as persons, but also in the controversies surrounding abortion, euthanasia and so on. However, this topic also seemed to me the most difficult, so I was little surprised when six out twelve people chose the meaning of person as the topic of their essays.
I'm looking forward to your essays on Monday evening. I hope you find writing them both challenging and rewarding.