In “Caring Mum and Dad: Mary’s story”, an article says that Mary who has given up her job and house to take care for her elderly father who has dementia and heart failure. Although she didn’t expect to quit her job and that taking care of her parents is harder than she imagine, she tries her best and looks after her parents.
As far as I know, A lot of Koreans have believed that the eldest son in the family should look after their elderly parents when parents get old. Occasionally either the second son or the youngest son looks after their parents, but the oldest son usually takes care of their parents. It is necessary duty and common sense in Korean society. This belief and tradition is thought to be our beautiful tradition. Nevertheless, I don’t know exactly that since when it began and who started looking after their parents first in Korea. It is like which one comes first either a chicken or an egg. Yet I guess that this culture is based on agricultural society and is originated from tradition of Confucianism. Long ago, three generations had lived together in the house where there are many rooms, garden and multipurpose spaces. We had not only worked together, but had celebrated ceremonies together. Often we lived with their clan in town. We saw our ancestor’s death and saw birth of babies in the house. Because it was natural circumstances, no one in our society denies that the eldest son should look after parents and we took care of each other from the cradle to the grave.
However, the faster Korean society has been changed, the rapider Korean’s mind has been altered. An extended family system changed into an atomic family system, an agrarian society changed into industrial society. As a result we don’t need to live with grand parents or relatives in the same house, father, mother and children are regarded as an ordinary form of Korean family. Although my grandparents had lived with their parents, my grandparents didn’t order or suggest that my father live with them. I’ve always been wondered why they do that. And What made them to do? Though my family doesn’t live grandparents, my house is located near my grandparents’ house. It takes only 30 minutes by walk or 7~8 minutes by a car. My family attends every ceremony. In this case, can someone say that my father didn’t look after my grandparents? I don’t think that he doesn’t look after grandparents. Even though he doesn’t live with his parents in the same house, he always looks after his parents for years and I’ve seen and learnt from him what he has done to grandparents and what should I do to my parents.
The older my parents are, the worrier I am. They need son and daughter’s help and they want to see grandchildren. They frequently have some physical problems and feel lonely. Last year, my mother went to the hospital to undergo an operation and also my father went to the hospital to have an operation in March in this year. Not too long ago, I got a phone call from my mother. She said that she wants to give me something that is belongs to her and is valuables in my family. Since I am the eldest son in my family and all of my relatives. They want me to keep that forever and to hand down to my son. As soon as I heard that news from my mother, I cried without saying. I thought that no one can resist time in the world and they are preparing their last time in the world. I haven’t seen them for a couple of months owing to busy schedule. I am worried about their health. Especially, in winter season, the elderly easily get cold and sick. Even though I have busy days, I should try to call them at least once a day. I think that I should take some action to show them my love.
Looking after elderly parents is not obligation, but it is natural and necessary. Were it not for parents, how could we be here?
________
Reference
Caring Mum and Dad: Mary’s story, (2010, November 10). BBC News Jersey Retrieved November 14, 2012 from http://news.bbc.co.uk/local/jersey/hi/people_and_places/newsid_9172000/9172995.stm
I like Jae's summary of his chosen article, but I'm wondering about one of his comments: that "long ago, three generations had lived together in the house where there are many rooms, garden and multipurpose spaces". This seems very unlikely to me for most people. For a start, it would be expensive to maintain such a home. Only the very rich could afford to do that; I think. What percentage of Koreans ever actually lived that way? (But I can also think of a reason why I might be completely wrong - I really don't know.)
ReplyDeleteFollowing our reading of "Symbolic Systems and Meanings" in Quest I was wondering if this idea might be more symbolic than real (Hartmann & Blass, pp. 12 - 16). I'm not Korean, and I have not done any research, so I don't know how real such an ideal might ever have been. I'm hoping that someone who knows, perhaps the Korean members of the class, can enlighten us.
There was another article in the BBC News today that raises a similar issue that seems to me related both to this question and also The Symbolism of Food section in the Quest reading: BBC News - Breakfast, lunch and dinner: Have we always eaten them? (Winterman, 2012).
My family in Australia was very traditional in some food habits, but my family was also not poor and perhaps not normal. I wonder if the Korean cultural tradition is as much a myth as the English (and Australian) idea that people traditionally ate three meals a day?
These days, my family is definitely not normal, expect perhaps for my niece who had a baby at the age of 15, having started when she was 14.
I don't think that being a bit abnormal is a bad thing, although I'm very unsure that having babies at age 15 is at all a good thing - I would never say this to her now that it's done, but I think abortions are probably a much better choice for all concerned for pregnant teenagers. And I think a lot of statistics, for crime rates and otherwise, support this.
Related to this last topic, and one of the next academic writing questions, there was another interesting BBC news story about a woman who died in Ireland recently because she was refused a legal abortion ("Woman Dies", 2012). That seems to me seriously immoral - and the Christian religion is to blame for the injustice.
References
Hartmann, P. & Blass, L. (2007). Quest 3 Reading and Writing (2nd ed.). New York: McGraw-Hill.
Winterman, D. (2012, November 15). Breakfast, lunch and dinner: Have we always eaten them?. BBC News Magazine. Retrieved November 15, 2012 from http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-20243692
Woman dies after abortion request 'refused' at Galway hospital. (2012, November 14). BBC News Europe. Retrieved November 15, 2012 from http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-northern-ireland-20321741
Your essay touches my heart. My parents are going senile; also my father in law underwent cancer surgery a few months ago. All living things are to die, we know that, but the fact that I have to prepare my parents’ funerals in the near future makes me sad.
ReplyDeleteThe follwongs are may be answer to Peter's wondering.
I remember my grandfather’s house, which is in countryside, now, my uncle lives in there. The house was built next to his elder brother’s house. Until he married to my grandmother and conceived his first son, my father, he had lived in the small detached building in the same wall with his father’s house. And then, he moved his new house, because he is the second son.
The type of Korean traditional house depended on an area, but according to my web-searching (in Korean), they generally had rooms from two to four. And, they built their small independent buildings; some buildings had no kitchen, only one room, and store room. Because they were poor farmer, these buildings were built one by one according to necessity in the same boundary. The traditional room was surprisingly small, even though it was rich people’s room. They have relatively big yard for their farming works and other events.
Thank you Katie for the clear and informative information.
DeleteI was trying to remember what used to happen in Australia. Among my own family and relatives, if there were an unmarried or separated (no one got divorced in those days) daughter, she would live with and care for ageing parents. But I think that's changed a lot over the past 30 years or so. My own mother, for example, who is 82, now lives alone in a large house built for 12 twelve people. And most of my elderly aunts and uncles live with their partner or alone, although they also seem more likely these days to sell the family home and move into an apartment in the city, which is usually closer to medical care, more convenient and also allows them to live near, but not with, old friends and relatives. I'm encouraging mum to do the same. It's her decision, but although she is in good health, can still drive and so on, I don't much like the idea of her living alone in a big old house in the country. Fortunately, most of my brothers and sisters live nearby, and at least one of them visit every day, and we do have family get-togethers there; I would still like her to move into town.
In Japanese culture, it was also common that the first son, who usually inherites parent's estate and asset, takes care of erderly parents. Still, it has become more and more difficult, because of changes of society: number of children in a family is decreasing and many parents including mine have only daughters. Some children work in big cities far from their parents, thus,it is impossible to take care of them. This is why Japanese government started the public nursing home care insurance system 12years ago. When it started, there was argument, because many people thought it opposed Japanese tradition and some elderly people refused to be cared by others as a shame.But nowadays, even though the system have some problems, most people accept its benefit.
ReplyDeleteAfter having stroke, my father started to use it: a housekeeper visits him twice a week to do some housework, and once a week he goes to a facility where he exercises, plays shogi,Japanese chess, and enjoy bathing in a big bath. For such benefit, he pays 10% of the cost, 90% is covered by the insurance.
Not only because of the insurance, but also having friends and relatives around him, he lives well, but I feel sorry that I live far from him and can't take care of him.
Frankly, Jae, you make me cry by reading your blog. I understand your feeling because I'm an oldest sister too. Like Korean Culture, the oldest kid have a task to take care their parents in Thai culture. For me, I don't think that caring parents is a task but it's a thing that show how much you love them and response for the love that they give to you. I will do everything that they want to please and make them happy. I study and work hard for them because I want to have more performance to take care as best as I got from them.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad to know that western society have the thing like this beecause I always think that elder live lonely in their house or nursing home in western countries.
Finally, I wish your parents will be healthy and live long to see your suscess.^^