I find an article "Sabotaging Success, but to What End" in The New York Times, very interesting. It talks about the psychology of people who usually consider themselves under constant misfortune and mistreat from other people, known as "self-defeating". Friedman discusses the benefit of this behavior that this mechanism can help them feel "morally superior" to those who mistreat them. He gives an example of one of his patient who keeps thinking that her children and freinds does not care for her. When she meet the doctor, she predicts that he might not be able to help her too. One common theme of this group of patient is the variation of the phrase "Is it my fault that life is unfair?" The author concludes that when a patient reports failure and misfortune in many aspects of their life, therapist should take caution that it might be self-created rather than the effect from the outside.
This article addresses the problem similar to Dr. Seligman's learned helplessness. People who suffer failure many times in their lives tend to lose their confidence and expect a coming failure rather than a success. Another group is people who expect failure as a self-defence mechanism so that when they really get failure they would not be very disappointed. However, this concept is slightly different in that besides living in a miserable life, full of failure and mistreatment, they also push responsiblity to outside factors, including people and situation around them. These three groups share common characteristic in that all of them expect failure rather than success, and live in a gloomy world. Being psychologically healthy is one of the most important factors for well-being.
This article addresses the problem similar to Dr. Seligman's learned helplessness. People who suffer failure many times in their lives tend to lose their confidence and expect a coming failure rather than a success. Another group is people who expect failure as a self-defence mechanism so that when they really get failure they would not be very disappointed. However, this concept is slightly different in that besides living in a miserable life, full of failure and mistreatment, they also push responsiblity to outside factors, including people and situation around them. These three groups share common characteristic in that all of them expect failure rather than success, and live in a gloomy world. Being psychologically healthy is one of the most important factors for well-being.
__________
References
Friedman, R. (March 22, 2010). Sabotaging Success, but to What End. The New York Times. Retrieved March 26, 2010 from http://www.nytimes.com/2010/03/23/health/23mind.html?ref=science
I can imagine that "self-defeating" would lead to failure in one's life. When you don't even believe in yourself that you can do things and have a good, successful life, how could you achieve in anything at all?
ReplyDeleteHowever, I am confused that if they always think "Is it my fault that my life is miserable?", why they also feel morally superior than others who, they claim, mistreat them? What do they think exactly, their faults or others' faults?
According to the article, they seem to disagree with this statement. It is sort of complaint that all faults are from outside factors not their own fault.
ReplyDeleteSo, they expect failures but think those failures are others' faults. And when they complain that "Is it my fault?" it actually means "It's not my fault!", right?
ReplyDeleteAnd when they think that way, it makes they feel like they are morally better than the rest, why?
Sorry, it's such a compicated issue!
Imagine among leading actresses in series of channel 7th, or maybe 3,5 and 9 too, the one being mistreated most is frequently the heroine of the series.(I use hedging word here, it is not an absolute fact, especially for your favorite ones.) It sounds ridiculous but being mistreated is related to being morally superior somehow. If people around you always bully you, it means that you are relatively morally superior than them; it is sort of moral relativity.
ReplyDeleteThank you, I get it now. Your example is hilarious but give me a very clear picture. And there is no need for hedging words, I think it's an absolute truth.
ReplyDelete